What if...

I had friends that were my age in bakersfield? Would I enjoy my stay a little bit more? Oy... Work keeps me busy during the weekdays... So when I get home to my apartment, I'm just tired & hungry & I catch up with my tv shows, talk to my parents & jerm on the phone for a while... And then sleep. Then on the weekends... I'm so bored outta my mind & think a lot about the "what if's?" Uggghhhh. Like what if this... Blah blah blah... Then maybe I'd enjoy my stay here more.

2 more weeks & it'll be 4 months since I moved out of my parents house in essj. A little over 2 months & ill be here for 6 months.

I can do this. Yes. Lord, I can do this.

Had a chat w/my cousin yesterday through text. Haha. I miss having company. It succccckkks to be alone. I could go to that church I visited & make some friends. But what would be the point if I didn't feel at peace or connected w/anyone there? You know? I need friends in bakersfield :( that are my age... Haha but Yay for unlimited text & mobile to mobile :) hahaha the # of texts in our phone bill reaches thousands... I bet if I was in essj, it wouldn't be that high... Hahaha

I know I've said this before but I truly appreciate my family, bf, friends & pets(nacho&carlton hehe) a whole lot more than I did before. God gives us a limited amount of time here on earth. Life is precious. We're all getting older & I don't wanna look back on times when I could have loved certain people a little bit more. You know?

Because I'm honestly tired of having people come in & out of my life. Looking down on me for what I haven't accomplised... Tired of being fooled that I can trust certain people & in the end, they turn on me... Tired of not having consistent friendships. Tired of all the betrayal & backbiting. Tired of the competition & drama that go along with being a girl! Tired of the PLASTIC!

Hahhaha I'M SO OVER IT! I just wanna be your friend :) but if you don't feel the same, then that's cool too!

I was also tired of helping people. Cuz when they were down & out, I was there. I had yo back! But what about when I was down & out? Nothing. Or if there weren't any problems & I just wanted a friend to talk to? Ohhh you've just been really busy? Ok... But God showed me that its ok if the people I was there for, aren't there for me. I need Him, not them :)

God has blessed me with amazing people! I don't post on fb, twitter, etc calling them out. But I sure hope u guys know who you are :) And that, my friends, is why I miss home... I miss all of the awesome people who keep me sane in this crazy world!!! LOL and when I start missing my amazing family, bf, friends & pets... I start thinking of ways to get back to essj, permenantly! Hahaha never thought I'd say that!

I should sleep now. Goodnight :)

<3,
Am

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